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02 December 2007 @ 06:28 am
California  
Had an OC marathon today, it was pretty interesting.  I enjoy watching shows that interest me, haha I suppose most people do right?  Though, I dont watch as many things as other people do.  My mind is very clustered right now...one second Im thinking something, the next its the complete opposite.  Ive been trying to make things a bit better around here, but it seems everything I do is being taken away by someone else, but I did state in my previous post, things arent interesting unless they are going as sour as could be.  Usually though, when they get as sour as could be, Ill work my way back up to a great medium, before, of course, I seem to mess it all up again.  Im a fool,  I realize this.  Im so angry...I can barely fake a smile these days.  Im poor, I cant do the things I want to do, I only have my hands.  I never really wanted an extravagant life, or anything of the like, and I used to think being poor is something I could always work through, even if I had to be homeless, now that Im here though, I see why its hard. Not impossible, but hard, I try to do my best to understand, and Ive come to terms with the fact that I dont have money, and I dont get to have the luxury most normal people do.  Soon Im sure even the internet will go, its just a matter of time, Im lucky I have it now, thats why I decided to at least document a few days.  Still havent really made any progress on the goals.  Im sick and its really starting to anger me, I just want it to go away...but everytime it goes away, I hit another bump, and it fuckin sets me back further and further...I shouldnt use sickness as an excuse I suppose...Im not one to do that anyways.  Its simply coming down to laziness.  I have nothing I feel is worth getting off my ass for, I guess.  Wow, thats a pretty good realization there...except Im kidding myself.  I get off my ass all the time, but never to help myself.  I keep on saying I can take this shit..but its getting to me...I thought I could do it, but...everytime I try...I just seem to shoot myself in all the wrong places, over and over and over again.

This is my journal.  If you so happen to find it, these are my thoughts.  Im not complaining, even if it may sound like I am.
 
 
Current Location: The humble abode
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Current Music: All american rejects - move along