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15 March 2009 @ 09:16 pm
How long its been since a post...Its so interesting to look back on the things Ive typed.  The things that Ive thought about, I wonder if at all I really took them to heart, I read them, understand them, but do I REALLY follow them?  I try year after year, and in texas now, has it brought me peace? Id have to say no...what have I done wrong?  I know the answer...you should have done what you planned on doing from the start.  No matter though, even after these years, I still have the dream, the determination, I HAVE NOT forgotten.  Someday I will leave this place, free of debt, erased from this world, and during that time, I will spend my days finding true strength, true ability, and true mental fortitude.  I smoke, I drink, like always, but I have not forgotten...even my hunger for women has continued, but I subdue it with proper guidance.  Youve had a few relationships now, once when you started this journal, and once at the end.  Now here I sit, thousands of miles away from them, and not a bit happier, not a bit sadder, same as always.  I dont know why I havent been able to pick up and leave like I have planned, am I scared, am I too weak?  Im not sure, but I still believe, Ill try, even die doing so if thats what it takes.  Youve worked a lot these past few years, almost going on a year at this place...adults always tell you to get a job, see the real world, did they think I was so naive that I didnt see it while I was with them?  What I saw was childishness, in a time needing attention, I saw nothing but childishness.  It was then I realized that they were always no different from anyone else, and everyone is practically the same, people just grow up thinking they are liike 20x's better than everyone else.  I dont think Im better, but you know what, Id like to think I have realized a few things that most havent, but in the end, its not like that matters any more than it should, if I dont use it.  How can I use it? How can I prove it to all them?  I dont know, the answers I search for everyday are still not within reach.  The point is...since 2005 you havent moved an inch...when are you going to take a step forward ROSS! WHEN? Im not quite sure...but I hope its one HELL of a stride.
Current Location: Texas
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: Coheed n Cambria