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20 May 2009 @ 11:38 pm
ahhh natsukashinaaaa  
I remember..I remember what Im supposed to do, havent forgotten it.  Its pretty difficult I must say though, everyday I live with doubt in my mind about my abilities..whether Ill amount to what Id hoped too.  Only time will tell, and that time is running thin, always will time tell, tell when youve failed, succeeded, or just plain wasted your time.  I think Im a bit of the latter...I wasted a lot of my prime doing nothing but the things I wanted to do, which werent very rewarding in any way, now that I think back, I didnt really gain anything...maybe a little smarter but if I cant even do one little thing, then where was the 4 years of knowledge going.  Im not quite sure, maybe I expended it in the things Ive done, or maybe I believe Im not any smarter than I was 4 years ago.  All I know is, I still have the dream, I still have the ambition, I just need to do it.  Time in texas is perhaps nearing its end, it was awesome while it lasted.  Ive been thinking...when/if we all decide to drive back on up to michigan, perhaps Ill just say no, see you guys later, I dont think Ill be going home.  Im wondering how people will label this, will I be a homeless person?  Ponder this then, is he called a homeless person if he has a home to go back too, he just walked away from it and never looked back?  Im pretty sure thats just a wanderer, or traveler.  If you havent figured it out yet, yep, thats what I want to do, wander the earth and help people with my own two hands.  See, I try to do as much good as I can where Im at, but there are so many things wrong with that statement, its ridiculous.  For the record, I do TRY n do as much good as I can, but hear me out here.  I have lot of friends and we all drink n smoke and whatever, and shit happens, I say something maybe I shouldnt have, do something maybe I shouldnt have, and people are hurt.  Never seriously of course, but perhaps down the line it might have some effect.  In any case, basically, I think its better for the people Im around that Im not around anymore, even though I am there leader.  Ive always been there for my bros, but I think that time is over now, I need to get there myself someday, and anymore waiting and I might never make it.  I figure if I go out there, alone, and help, I wont have anyone to influence in a demeaning manner, and simply use the two hands I have to help them with all Im worth.  Im certain whoever is watchin at that time, will know I am an honorable fellow.  Perhaps then when I meet them all again, Ill be able to look them in the eyes.  I suppose thats it for now, I wonder if Ill get back on here before our time in Texas is over.  Until then, Ill wait diligently, but I hope I make the right decisions.  Soon the time for decisions will come once again, do what youve always done my friend, the right thing.
 
 
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